my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
