While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
