It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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