I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
My vagina just recognized that song.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
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