he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
