woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
