Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
my shit smells like andre
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
