how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
