Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
high people should be assigned attendants
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
