i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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