I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Couch. On fire.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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