Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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