Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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