Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
