sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just forgot I was standing up.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
