Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
