Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
