And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We don't watch enough power rangers
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
not ubering you a puppy
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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