I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
