Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
