remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
