She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
