i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
