idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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