I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
