it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
