How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
