I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
