Umm I'm too high to move.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
