the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
