My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
