my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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