i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
