Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
