I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My breasts were aching with rage.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
