ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
