So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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