At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
