Whatcha textin bout Willis?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
