Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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