put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
