You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
