she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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