Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
