I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I believe in your delicious
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
