he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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