he was CRYING into my vagina
sarcasm needs its own font
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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