Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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