I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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