I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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