he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
